12 Sons of Jacob

1. I walked into Mixers on Boot Night Thursdays, just like I do most weeks and I look to the bar to my right and there is this pretty attractive dark haired man. He introduces himself as REUBEN around a mouthful of a huge and disgusting looking rueben sandwich. Right away I think that this is kind of weird as Mixers serves Mexican but I don't dwell on that as he managed to spit some of his sandwich in my face and laughing called it SEA food.
2. Next I look at the man sitting a couple bar stools over. I don't really even focus on what he looks like because I am astound at how loud he is yelling at the TV because he can't hear SIMON from American Idol, insulting some poor singer called EON. This poor man Simon says sings like an OX. 
3. Right away, I realize I want to avoid this guy like the plague! So I look over by the beer pong table and see a cowboy bending over in his LEVI jeans. I decide that it DEFINITELY more interesting than any guy yelling at the bar. However, it doesn't take long to see his girlfriend who is practically JOINED at the hip with him. By the way the girlfriend looked like an OX!!
4. Moving on.... Next is a guy who has obviously been at the bar for quite a while. I go sit by him because he is pretty good looking. Like a younger Brad Pitt (before he got too old to be attractive to me anymore). He even has the wavy, blonde LION-like hair that Brad is so famous for. So I ask this guy what his name is and he says JU. I am immediately intrigued by this name. I have never heard it before so I of course ask how he got the name. All he can say is DAH, dah, dah. Now I wasn't sure if he couldn't speak because of a lack of brain cells, being at the bar too long, or that he was astounded by my good looks but I decided to move on with my perusal of the bar.
5. At this point I decide its time for a drink! Going back up to the bar, I sit by this guy ZEB who was in my statistics class last year. He starts telling me about how he is going on a cruise SHIP for Spring Break. After talking for a while he asks, "can U LEND me some $$$ for a taxi to go home?"
6. As Zebulen leaves, one of my favorite songs come up over the sound system. I'm a star, which kind of sounds like ISSACHAR. Some guy starts doing karaoke to the song but his singing sounds more like braying like a DONKEY than actual singing.
7. As I am trying to figure out how to block out this horrific noise, I hear some yelling going on at the TVs in the back. I look over and see my childhood friend DAN, yelling at some sports show. He is yelling that the foul was obvious and not at all sneak like a SNAKE! I decide that this might not be the right time to reacquaint myself with an old friend and move on yet again.
8. As Dan is yelling, another friend comes walking in. He looks pretty beat up. He said he got into a bar fight earlier. "GAD, what were thinking getting into a bar fight? You got TRAMPLED!
9. I throw up my hands at the foolishness of men and walk away. Walking over by the pool table a guy who looks identical to ASHton KutchER runs right into me. By this point I'm pretty annoyed with me and ask why he wasn't looking where he was going. Just like Ashton, this guy even dressed like a spoiled RICH  boy. 
10. I decided to go check out the dance floor at this point as nothing of too much interest is going on at the bar. When I get over there, I see two men beating the living tar out of each other over which Taylor Swift song is the best one. And being the nosy person that I am, I wade in and pull them apart. After breaking it up, I ask the first one if he was hurt. He response was "NA, nothing PHATALI injured. To make matters even funnier, the song DEAR John was playing as the background noise. 
11. After getting away from the T. Swift fanatics, I look around, hardly believing that I haven't very of my friends. Usually we all meet up for Boot Night! Right then walk in my best buddies, JOESEPH and BENJAMIN. Immediately JOESEPH orders multiple rounds of shots so as to be FRUITFUL in his determination to get very drunk! And BENJAMIN grabs his drink while looking around like a WOLF for some new female prey to hit on!

After talking to these two, I decide it is definitely time for me to go home and go to bed. I need to be well-rested for Dr. Sexson's class the next day.